Looking back

When I recently turned 24, the strangest feeling came upon me. I am an adult. I work full time in a real job, I'm married, most of my friends have kids, I own a home, I own a car, I go on vacations independently and so on. Then this month came, January 2010, holy crap. Where have the years gone? First of all, 2010...seriously? I remember in 2nd grade writing a paper that was titled, "Myself in 2010." The assignment was to predict where we would be and what we would be doing etc. I don't know where it is, but I remember thinking that I would be a movie star or working in an ice cream parlor of sorts.

On January 5, 2010 it was our 4th wedding anniversary. Jason and I have been together for 5 years total. Insane. It doesn't feel like it's been that long...at all.

I don't know what my deal is lately, but I have been reflecting on my life and what I want to do next. It's on my mind all of the time. I am at the point where I'm asking myself, "kids? grad school? kids? nothing? travel?...Jason, what am I gonna do with my life?" I feel like I am in a hamster wheel.

Today, I had something cross my mind...I think I am going to be finished with planning my life. It has done me little good in the past and things have worked out. For instance, I never planned on getting married at 20 years old. I never planned on becoming a nurse. I never planned on riding dirt bikes for fun. And I certainly never planned on actually enjoying "The View" and looking forward to "20/20" on Friday nights...but I do and I enjoy it. Life has taken me for a ride and I am in love with where I am at. Not saying I'm done with goal setting, just done with planning.

I am content and comfortable with who I am and who I am with.

Probably because Jason is such a gem...

Jason,

We've been together for 5 years!

I remember our wedding day, and how I knew without a doubt that you were the love of my life. However, a lifetime was not enough, so we were married for time and all eternity.



Our first trip as a married couple. We were both in college full time and working full time, so we went on a quick trip to Mexico and called it a "honeymoon." I'm still waiting for my real one...


We adopted our first puppy together and named him Boris. He is our baby, and he is snuggling with me on the couch as I type this. You initially thought that he was going to be a tough little guard dog...so much for that. We were so excited.

You have been obsessed with baseball and The White Sox for just about your entire life. So, we finally went to your first Sox game together, and you were glowing. It was so fun being there with you...even though one side of my body got sun-burned. Remember? I looked like two-face from batman...I think that is his name. You got to see your favorite player, Frank Thomas, and we sat next to that cute little girl and her Dad. It was her first White Sox game too. It was then, that you started looking forward to taking your own kids to baseball games...

Later that year, it snowed in Mesa for the first time in my entire life! I woke you up from a deep sleep and we drove to Higley Rd in order to play in the snow. You were and still are such a good sport. We took a picture with this palm tree, because we thought it was awesome. Snow on a palm tree? I have to admit, it still makes me a bit excited.
This was only the first year of being married. Little did I know, how happy I would be years down the road. Life hasn't been perfect, but of course it hasn't. I look back on my life with you and smile. You are my best friend and I love you. Cheers to 4 years of marriage!

Having a rough day? Watch this...

I would update you on what's going on in my life, but that would be a lie...because...I have been doing nothing. That's right you heard me. My house is a mess, I'm a mess, and my t.v. remote battery is almost dead.

I may have graduated from college, but I am still very much living the student lifestyle. I have been sitting on my couch all day, eating Panda Express and watching a Jaws marathon. I've watched 1, 2, 3, and JAWS: The Revenge is almost over. It's definitely a bad thing, when the deepest thought I have had all day is, "Why in sam hell don't the Brody's move away from the beach, I mean REALLY."

I think another reason why I still feel like a student is because I am married to one. Jason is still at ASU and we had dunch at the chuck box the other day for hamburgers. I never thought that I would look around,see freshman, and feel so much older than them. It's weird.

I plan on getting a life sooner than later, and when I do, I will post about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love being lazy, I just know it's gotta change.

BTW, was the video I shared with y'all not the jam? Where has it been all my life? Also, hope you didn't watch the entire thing, it's really only good through the "send me an angel" section.

If I were to lie to you about being productive I would say something like:

I'm working full time and just about to finish up "War and Peace." It's quite good, so good in fact that I decided to give away my television set...we hardly use it anyway and it was only collecting dust. Lets face it, I don't know how to work the remote...too high tech for me. And, what is this DVR people are talking about? What a waste of time huh? I spend most of my free moments reading the bible and doing service for others. I am also training for a marathon and in the best shape of my life...oh, and I decided to become a vegetarian. I only eat organic foods and cook all of my meals. I would not be caught dead in a drive through. Jason and I walk Boris every single night and enjoy picnics in the park on our days off. I never go to my parents' to steal food and/or avoid cooking my own meals. I LOVE being a homemaker, and dare I admit that I bake the best pies on my block. I also wash my hair every day and don't rely on excedrin and pepsi to keep me alert and oriented. Life is a breeze so come fly a kite with me and Jason.

Psych Consult STAT

WARNING: After working six, twelve-hour night shifts in a row, you may experience swollen kankles, nausea, donut binging, and hallucinations.

The featured photo was taken for the single purpose of documentation for my much needed psych consult.

So, get this...

I am sitting on my couch...exhausted....when all of a sudden I see a call light and jump up like someone lit a fire under my cheeks.

Hold....up...this isn't a hospital. I think I just hallucinated.

*See glare on upper right mirror for details*

I'd like to say "this is the first time...." but it's not. Two summers ago, Jason and I drove up to Idaho with his family...through the night...yeah... I didn't think it was a good idea either. Winding roads can start to feel like you are in a cradle after a while...

So I'm cruising along in my Saturn Ion, when all of a sudden I see approximately five giant elk on the side of the road. "Hallelujer, at least they aren't in the road..." I silently pondered to myself.

*flashing images of smashed elk on my car*

Then out of nowhere, some inconsiderate moron left a huge rolled carpet in the middle of the highway, completely blocking my lane. I was left with no choice but to pull a nascar evasive maneuver. What would you have done? It was life or death...I mean, my car would have flipped for sure. It's a good thing that somebody has fast reflexes...

I swerved, I screeched....there were screams...there were interrupted slumbers...there were dirty looks.

Jeannie: "Holy crap! Did you see that carpet?"

Jason: "What are you talking about? PULL OVER NOW. You're done driving."

Jeannie: "But did you see it? But..?.....sorry"

Yeah, I was so tired from staying up all night that I had proceeded to fall asleep at the wheel and hallucinated for the first time. Don't worry, I looked it up and everything. It can happen with extreme exhaustion. I don't need anti-hallucinogenic drugs or anything...despite what Jason's family may think...

And despite what you may think...I'm feeling good. I have my best friend Boris gazing into my eyes and life is beautiful.Not to mention, my sister emailed me this image today...

TITLE: "It is cool to dress up as your name-sake"

Shill Family Halloween Circa 1996

This left me laughing and feeling rejuvenated... especially when I noticed my sissy peeking around the astro van seat in the background. Yeah, this picture is just not cute. Sorry mom...

As I mentioned before, life is quite good. Sometimes I feel like I am barely surviving in the world, and that sounds like it wouldn't be fun...but it is. It keeps my life interesting, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love everything about my life at this moment. I love my line of work. I love taking care of my patients(for the most part), and learning something new at my job every day. NEVER BORED.

There is something to be said about having someone look you in the eyes during a stressful time, and hearing them say, "I trust you." I'm not sure that anyone has ever said that to me in such a way, as it was said to me last night.

My patient was confused and didn't know where she was. Finally, after I sat down with her for several minutes, explaining, and re-explaining...she finally stopped the interrogation and softly said, "I trust you."

This has caused me to be deep in thought all day today. I've been thinking:

How difficult would it be to obtain an injury... be sent to a hospital...not know where you are, or who anyone is. Then I began to think, it takes a great person to be able to say, "I trust you."

I have a difficult time trusting anyone. I am always taking things into my own hands and attempting to run a one-woman-show. To have someone express, "I trust you," and really mean it, has left me wanting to trust others more.

People always speak about trustworthiness. Trust is easily lost and nearly impossible to earn back. Why is that? I am definitely guilty of this mind-set, and now I am re-thinking my judgment. I think it stems from fear. Fear, that if you trust, you will be let down after doing so.

I personally believe that we need to have more faith in one another and get to a place where we don't need to know everything. A place where we can simply say, "I trust you."

Goal for tomorrow: Trust in order to be trusted.

My Chicken Soup

Movies and books have always been my escape from the world. They bring me comfort and make me feel better when I'm feeling rough around the edges. Somehow, when watching or reading something, I feel less alone and more understood.

It's been wonderful to have strong examples in my real world...

And it's also been wonderful to have strong examples in my fantasy world...

What I'm trying to say is...

I'm grateful for those deep emotions that you never knew you could feel. ..I'm talking about magic. The kind of magic a select few other than Disney can bring. Isn't it amazing how the word "magic" needs no definition? When you have felt it, you have defined it. Going to Disneyland...MAGIC. Meeting the man of your dreams...MAGIC. Being able to say, "I never thought of it that way"...MAGIC. It doesn't matter how you manage to feel it, just as long as you find what's magical to you.

I am glad...

for my life, and divine exhaustion.There is something about good old fashioned hard work that makes me feel better having done it. I may be a complainer most of the time, but I can truly say that I am happy in my life. This is not because extraordinary things have happened to me. I am very ordinary and much like everyone else. I believe that much of my day to day happiness comes from the little things that I find magical and allow myself to experience on a regular basis.

These experiences have allowed me to grow and understand...

So, I'd like to take this time and say "thank you" to the small experiences, the ones that never get any acknowledgement.

This post is for my neglected influences

Dearest sleeping beauty, you always gave my Barbies a good song to waltz to. Thanks to you, my parents walked in on me singing, "I know you, I walked with you once UH-PINE a dream" and I've been brutally mocked ever since.

Thank you Cinderella, for teaching me how to clean...my mom never did. I also appreciate the scheme of leaving one of your possessions at a boys house, only for him to return it the next day. Came.IN.Handy.
Thank you Alice in Wonderland, for making me realize that I'm not the only one who feels lost and confused most of the time. I too give myself good advice, but very seldom follow it.

Thank you to Esther in Meet Me In St. Louis. You are, he-hem, were...my idol. Oh, and this movie is so good that it should have been by Disney. I wanted to have parties like you when I got older. Unfortunately, people in high school don't play instruments and dance around to "skip to my lou" anymore. Bummer.

Thank you Mary Poppins, for making umbrellas in Arizona so much more useful. As for cough syrup...dirty trick...tastes like crap. And although my chalk drawings never gave me anything better than a scraped knee when jumped into...I forgive. P.S. don't ever sweep a chimney, your mom WILL yell at you.

Thank you Wendy, for teaching me how to be a good big sister. As for you Nana, you are the jam. What kind of dog supplies goods on her back...uh-mazing. I appreciate a good happy thought every now and again as well. Also, don't worry, I never smile at a crocodile...they be freaky.Last but not least, thank you Pete's Dragon, for making me go "WTF" at such a young age.

Yikes...

I'm gonna go ahead and declare that picking your favorite child is an easier attempt than picking your favorite Disney movie. There are too many great ones.

P.S. my playlist right now is breathtaking...check it out. It will take you back...

*All images found via Google*

Holiday Road

Well, my friends, I hope that y'all had a fine Independence Day this year. When I think about the 4th of July, I think back to four years ago, picking up Jason at the airport in Honolulu. He came to visit me there and he was received with open arms and fireworks in the background. Little did I know that I would be getting proposed to a few short days later. I am always amazed with life and the twists and turns it has in store. I think about small decisions I have made, and the extreme influences they have had on my life. Some of those decisions I am grateful for, and other decisions I have chosen to learn from and never make again. I think about the influence of others and the impact they have had on my life. It makes me realize that details matter, and by picking up on them, it can change everything. There are so many different routes to choose from and I often find myself spending the majority of my time contemplating all of them. The one thing that brings me peace is the belief in a much higher power than my own. I have to believe that it has been by some sort of design; that there is someone watching out for all of us. Today is truly preparing us for tomorrow.

America, I love you! You've given me a wonderful life.

With that said...

This 4th of July was unexpected and fun, fun, fun. Jason and I weren't planning on going anywhere this year, but at the last minute, we decided to meet my family in So. Cal. for the weekend. There was never a dull moment, and it was great to get away. I feel like I have been working nonstop; probably because when I'm not there, it is always on my mind. I mean, I dream about being at work. It sucks. Does anybody else have that problem?

Jason and I had a grand ol' time driving to the beach. We sang at the top of our lungs and pretended that we were Tim and Faith with no shame at all. The funny/annoying thing about my man is that he changes his voice completely depending on who is singing the song. For instance, when he's singing Tim McGraw, he has a southern twang and tries to sound as much like Tim as possible. When we are in church, he enunciates everything like he is in The Phoenix Boys Choir. When Blink 182 comes on, he sings nasally and thinks that he is a punk. I don't even know. Other people just sing like themselves. Moral of the story, anything with music, Jason, and singing involved is a trip in and of itself. Don't ever do it unless you are fully prepared.

Once we got to the beach, my lover was in a sulky kind of mood, but I managed to perk him right up. Does this not remind you of a little kid? Sometimes I don't know if I adopted a husband or married one...

As the great Johnny Tsunami said, "Go big or go home." Most meaningful quote of all time and you better recognize that we stand by it...especially on vacation.
Oh, and just because we are on holiday doesn't mean that we don't know how to DO WORK! What's a trip to the beach without burying someone? I mean REAlly.
Behold, the finished product. Don't you love how we made him a right arm amputee with mitten hands? He also has one leg shorter than the other.

Also, is smoosh-ball an Olympic sport? 'Cause it should be. Oh, you don't know what smoosh-ball is? I'm sorry, people in my high society play it constantly... it consists of one small blue ball, two wooden paddles, and two highly trained athletes. My sister Olivia and I got up to 17 hits without dropping the ball. I played so long that my bones solidified into the shape of a claw...as evidenced by my left hand in this photo. Maybe that's not even my left hand, it looks like some sort of sea urchin from Davey Jones' Locker. I don't know, you be the judge.
No trip to the beach is complete without surfing. Kind of embarrassing because they gave me the notorious foam board from Costco...whatever. Wish I had a picture of it, but I only have one of Jason. Allow me to recreate the moment for you. Jason picked up this cute little surf board, and puts on a wetsuit, cuz the water is FREEZING. I am left with a big a$$ foam surf board that my arms can't even fully extend around to pick up correctly. So, I had to squeeze it against my body with my palms spread...add a gust of wind to the mix, a shackle around my ankle and a partially intact bikini only. Congratulations, now you have the full picture. Enough said.
Did I mention that I wore SPF 50 all day? Oh, and did I mention that I got the worst sunburn of my entire life? Jason did too. We are such brats, we kept arguing about who had the higher degree burn. However, it didn't matter how bad mine was because Jason got all of the sympathy from my grandma and then some; you better know that he milked it. Looking at the following picture is bitter-sweet...we were so innocent. We had no idea what was to come... little did I know that I would spend the night bathing in aloe-vera and slip into a coma. Nobody even checked to see if I was responsive! I missed the fireworks! REALLY PEOPLE?!?
The burns were worth it! Thanks Grandma and Grandpa! We had so much fun.

All the girls, minus Olivia...she was M.I.A. Probably seagull hunting again... Can't keep that one put I tell ya. I look like a raspberry in this picture. I was in so much pain and the color got more vibrant as the day progressed.

I've got an itch

What's with my new job? I don't know what else to tell you aside from this: It pleases me. I am not nearly as worn down after working a shift on this floor. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy by any means. I have a lot to learn and it's real work, but I feel happier. I'm nicer to Jason and I've even been a little too nice to myself lately...gaw. I need to stop rewarding myself with processed desserts...it's a problem. I mean, don't hate, but I eat zebra cakes and honey buns like there is no tomorrow. I eat 'til I'm tired, or sick, whichever comes first. Oh YES, and just so you know, your metabolism comes to an abrupt hault when you turn 23. I didn't believe it, but it's true. If it gets worse, feel free to keep it to yourself. For some strange reason, when people tell me, "It could be worse," I don't feel any better. Really? It will likely get worse than this? Now I feel splendid, just splendid. I'm just glad that I don't get the "cold sweats" before going to work anymore. I look like I've been through something in this picture. Although you may be thinking otherwise, I am totally rational, calm, and collected...yeah. I don't know what people are talking about, I've got it all together. Just ask Boris.

All things considered life is good in "the neighborhood." I've finally come to terms with Kris winning American Idol, and I am okay. Well almost...okay, I lied. Sorry, he just isn't that good {fist in mouth}. How many more Jason Mraz wannabes can the world take on? Seriously. Adam is the bomb, and I wanted him and Allison in the finale. America, I thought I knew you. Whatever.For those of you who witnessed the show-down...KISS scares me. No lie. I keep watching it on my DVR and it freaks me out. Gene Simmons' tongue and the way he bobs his head makes me go into the fetal position. Freaky...but I can't stop watching.
Also...I'VE GOT AN ITCH! The travel bug bit me and I really want to plan an awesome vacation. I mean, I want to spend a ridiculous amount of my hard earned cash on a cruise to Scotland, Ireland, England, and Paris. I found one for next August 2010 baby! Is it stupid to go? I was just thinking about it and when I'm old and prune-like someday, looking back on my life...what will I remember? I'm not gonna give a flying rats about what car I drove when I was 23, but I will remember an awesome trip with Jason.

Speaking of my lover, he is obsessed with bag pipes, so I know he would love to see Scotland. "I want my baby back baby back baby back...ribs." Yeah, I sang it..."barbecue sauce." Stop kidding yourself, you love it and you always have. "Chile's baby back ribs." Okay I'll stop. "Chile's baby back ribs." Sorry, I lied.

I think Ireland will be awesome too, but leprechauns scare me. I mean, have you seen this movie? "I want me gold! Hehehehaha." Hopefully we can make it happen and hopefully I don't get attacked by a fat bastard or mini leprechaun.

*images on this blog were found via google*

"For garsh sakes"

When Jason decided to steal a kid's jacket at church, it made me laugh to the point of a stomach ache and almost caused an episode of incontinence. My stomach muscles were sore, and it hurt pretty bad... It almost hurt as bad as the time I consumed an entire jar of home-made cookies in less than 1 hour flat. It's a sickness for sure. Which reminds me...when I taught English in China several years ago, we would go to Walmart to stock up on some "normal" food for the following week. One occurence in particular, I decided to buy six snicker bars to last me about two weeks. Needless to say, I got carried away emailing all of my family/friends one Sunday afternoon and devoured all six in a row while sitting at the computer. This hurt more than ever, and snickers have never been the same for me. I mean, who does that? Seriously. I really have such a fat personality. Now I DO NOT eat and play on the computer at the same time. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN... as evidenced by this empty cookie jar...heh hem.


Although I have been hurt by many things in my life, including friends, family, food, falls, failures, etc. Nothing really hurts the way of losing someone you love dearly. My Grandma Shill passed away a little over one week ago. I was very fortunate to have grown up in the same home as Grandma, and she played a big role in my life. She was a part of our Christmas mornings, birthdays, movie watching, book reviews, meal planning and family vacations. I always thought that we were taking care of Grandma, but now that she is gone, I realize that she was really taking care of all of us. I am grateful for the time I had with her and for all of the memories that have accumulated over the years.

I already miss her love for me and all of my brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles. She loved her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even great great grandchildren. It's been hard, because I know that nobody loved me like Grandma Shill loved me, and now she is gone. I know she loved us by the way she would hold us tight and listen to everything and anything we wanted to say. She sincerely appreciated us for the way we were.

She was a supportive wife, and never stopped loving my Grandpa. She would always tell me, "I hope that you and Jason can be as happy as Bob and I were." She taught me what mattered in life, something that is easy to forget in these modern days. She would say, "Nothing is ever really yours." Think about it; the material things you own or possess can be taken away from you. You can lose people, love, consistency, comfort and human rights. Appreciate the things that you do have, for the time that you have them. We should focus on the things that are of true value in life and fail to dwell on the rest. I'm still working on this one...
She was SO FUNNY. Grandma was sharp and had a quick wit. I especially loved watching her and my dad interact with one another. I already miss that. She was a wonderful story teller and 100% herself. We were all drawn to her.

I love it when the elderly folks tell me that I look like she did when she was younger...

One time I said, "Grandma, ya know some people think that I look like you did in your younger days. If that's true, then I am definitely a shorter, stockier version, with a much smaller bra size."

Grandma replied with, "I'm afraid so dear..."

"Thanks."

I love you Grandma, and miss you already.